The Good, The Bad and The Fake.

Robert Sharma said "Everyone can criticise, it takes a strong person to see the good in someone." I am in the critical group and I am not going to deny it. Trust me, and I will not deny it. It is all about honesty. I was once told that I have also become arrogant. That I can deny because I always consider myself to be very humble but clearly I cannot see the log in my eye.

I know for sure that I can clearly see the speck in another's eye. For most of the time I always listen. My mother always told me that I should listen more than I can speak and over the years I have learnt to do exactly that. Love and honour from my friends I have gained and loyalty to them, they have earned. So it was quite shocking to me and that is why only Eve will be my true and most trust worthy friend, in fact had she been a man and we had been married, ours would have been the best relationship.

Now after months and months of listening to my friends, I decided to do a research based on who, why, what. Who I told. Why I told and What I told. Now this is what happened. I told five of people I believed to be my good friends about my good news, I had great news that was very up building to me. Why I told it, honestly, I did think they were my friends and I could share my good news with. What I told them was that I had invested in something that would definitely improve my life significantly. 

I was left shocked because of what happened next and I remembered a wise man telling me, "always be in control of your reaction." None of my so called friends was happy for me. After I was done telling them the good news, all of them were left speechless and all did not congratulate me or even say anything about the news. Fine, I didn't want a standing ovation but *&%^* what was so hard about a simple word of congratulations? I was left with my mouth agape because , all the time y'all tell me good things about your life, I give you a standing ovation because I love you, I am proud of you and I think you deserve it. I am surprised you gave me back, none of that. 

I started replaying my conversations back with EACH ONE of them, the times we had shared just a bit of good things, like me getting extra credit at work, or the fact that I was going back to school, just small things that had no big impact on either one of our lives and guess what...BIG BANG THEORY....(this is so irrelevant, but its my Eureka moment and phrase.) I have very few people with whom I believe to be this good.

Past Glory

So much changes so much remains the same. I have just recalled my days growing up and I had this sister Peris, she was always very good to me. We competed in a lot of things especially when it came to our parents. It was always very tight and we would fight to see who would outshine the other. It was fun and sometimes I outdid her and sometimes she outdid me. As I have grown up, I have come to realise that so much changes and so much remains the same, you see as adults we also always compete. Without knowing i or without wishing for it, we always compete.

The other day I heard this song by one Kenyan artist Nyota Ndogo - Watu Na Viatu. Literal translation of her name is Small Star and the Song, People and Shoes. And in the song she goes on to say how she had a very good friend who would help her out all the time and she had never felt so blessed to have such a good, kind and understanding friend. However, when our small star got a job and was now able to take care of her self, the friend was not very happy and started being disgusted with this new move. This got me thinking about life now and in general how we react.

Everything that's really worthwhile in life come to us. I recalled how I used to react when I was younger. I would not fight back when someone attacks me instead I would simply walk away. Growing up, I rarely need see the need to fight or to show off. I am not above anyone but why fight and no good is going to come from it. In addition, why show off when its only for a moment. I always believe that if you work well, then do not blow your own trumpet, let other people see the good your hands have done. Be confident in what you do, but let others talk about it.


That is just me. My sister and I talk now and we look back and feel very silly about how we did everything then but we would not change a thing as that is what shaped us to be who we are now. It taught us to be humble and caring, thoughtful and loving. That is just us, we are neither boastful of our achievements and nor haughty about our accomplishments, we let the work speak for itself. What I see now going on with other people, I might be judgmental about it, maybe even envious of the person you are, maybe I am simply jealous, all in all, you are who you are and I am who I am at the end of the day, we both have made our own beds in which  lie in. What about you? What do you think? That is how you know. 

I'm Irrelevant if...

 you don't talk about me.

I lay awake this night with a lot of things on my mind. Bob Dylan once said some people feel the rain, others just get wet. I think of the people we think we know. ..only to discover later on that they have been lying to us. I think of the people who smile at you and with you and then go behind your back, talk about your business and the things that you do that make them very uncomfortable.

It hurts,  it always hurts so much.  The truth always hurts. However,  what happened to the people who come and tell you the truth in your face and you can then choose whether to get angry at them or not.  Whether to talk to them or not. I am always not so much about talking about someone in the back is just so wrong.  Talk to me, I will get mad, I might abuse you and yes I will not talk to you for a while. I will however appreciate it because at least you are not going behind my back.

In life, there are so many things that can go wrong. So many people that make mistakes that they regret. Yet they're strong enough to carry on and move on. I wonder what makes you feel or makes you move on so easily once you have maligned someone else who really has not done anything to you. I wonder just how sadistic and hurtful you can get.

Why would you do this to me when I have not done anything wrong to you. If I have, wronged you, why don’t you come and tell me that I have wronged you? If I have done something that is not good in your eyes, come over, tell me about it. Let us chat over a cuppa... To make matters worse, what you are talking about is pure lies and pure assumption. HATER! I would like to call you all sorts of names right now, I would not do that and I will not judge for it is not my place to do so. I encourage you to go on crusading about me. Go on! (breaks out in joy and ululations and cheer) go right on, get to the top of the mountain and yell all about me. I dare you!

 

The Watchmaker

Recently, my favorite watch, broke its strap, so I decided to take it to the watchmaker. I also had another watch which had completely stopped so I used this opportunity to take both of them. I asked him if I could wait or go and come back later for them, but he just pulled a seat and patted it, which I assumed to mean "have a seat". I packed it and watched him work.

He first took out his eye glass, the small binocular-like thing that he put against his eye ( I wonder how or what holds it in place). Then he took his micro-mini tongs and opened my watch. At first I was neither impressed nor fascinated and thought to myself "show-off!". He meticulously went through the parts of the watch, repairing it as slowly and as carefully as possible. He handled my watch with such elegance and care that I felt guilty for always taking it off the first thing I get to the house.

When he was done, he dusted it off, brushed it and then gave it to me with a satisfied smile on his face and told me the cost. When I made it to give him the money and was about to leave, he made an offer to place the watch on my hands as I was getting up while wearing it.

Observing him at work, made me think of God's wonderful creations. It also made me think of the great things we have in life. Individually, what we consider to be great and wonderful. I also thought about the things we do, how we do them, when and where we do them. Do we handle our lives like the watchmaker handles or his watches or do we handle it the way Joy handles hers?

It also made me think about my past and present relationships, with my family and friends and soon a lover and companion. How will I handle it? God definitely handles us with care, how do we handle other people, wear them and take them off as soon as our work is finished, or do we always remember that they are there and handle them with great care? Do we keep them on the shelf or do we arouse them and remind them that they have a purpose in our lives?

Whichever way you handle whomever is in your life, remember the watchmaker, he handled the watch with care remembering that it is a delicate piece and he knows its purpose. I would like to handle you as such, you might be broken and I might put you up on the shelf, but I try to remind you of who you are to me. How great it is that I have you with me and in my life, how delicate you are. Once in many times, I will throw you up on the shelf and take you down when I'm broken without you.

Just as the watch is in the maker's life every single day, so are you in my life. In his hands a piece of art, precious and delicate. In my life, a priceless jewel you are. 

THE LITTLE BLACK BOOK.

This has probably been overtaken by technology what with Android phones connecting and synchronising every detail on your phone to your email address, making it surprisingly easy not to miss your phone as much after you lose it as you can easily back up all your documents and contacts to your email address which you can access from everywhere and at any time. Well, that is the now. But about ten years ago when the cell phone was just getting to every citizen in our country and not everyone could afford one, I would use my mother’s phone to call the numbers on my little black book. It was a must-have just like the little black dress is a must have for all the women in the world.

That little black dress does is one for all occasions and so is the Little Black Book. You would record in it, numbers of your friends’ girlfriends, boyfriends, lovers, schoolmates, former classmates that you would run into on the street, yes, and very many people. If you are a fan of the famous Sitcom Two and a Half Men or Friends, you would have observed Charlie and Joey respectively at their game. I am definitely not comparing myself to them J, but then, you can easily associate with what I am telling you right now.

I was currently just shifting towns when, as I was gathering up my stuff, I found mine, my little black book. I still keep in touch with most of the people in the book, but there was one I had not seen, or kept in touch with for over 9 years, I decided to call him up. Ooh!  what a surprise I got. It was a most pleasant conversation.  It was amazing how much things have changed and they still stay the same. We are living in different towns now, but I can’t wait to meet him up and chat over a cup of coffee.

Yes, the little black book, brought me back my bird that flew away (rhetorical statement)

Where is your little black book?

Friends & Weddings.

This weekend, I was thinking about my future. Now, my wedding should be in September because it is my favourite month. I would have loved 21, but this year that date is not available. So tentatively the date is September 20th. I was now thinking about my bridesmaids. The criteria I would use to choose, who would be my maid of honour among my four friends. These are all people I have known for years on end and some of them I have a long standing relationship with them. Some of them have seen me at my worst and have always been there for me no matter what.

How do you define "always been there"? For some, this might be defined as the time when all the good times were shared. Others, when all the bad times were shared. Yet others would take it to mean that when they needed help the friend was there to sort them out. For me however, my definition is one friend of mine, Eve. We have fought, insulted each other, broken up for years, got back together and sometimes laughed over our fights. The last fight was so bad we were texting each other as late/early as 4 am. That was  just two years back. 

Eve would definitely be my best maid. Simply because, I can rely on her as much as I do rely on my family. Despite our fights, she has continually offered me unconditional support and love. I have not been a good friend to her at all. This here today is t o say thank you and to be grateful for your (Eve) support. Unconditional love and everything that you have given me. That I am here today, that I make the choices I do, that I am able to walk with a smile and chin up, that I am able to dance like I do, that I laugh out loud when I remember what we have done, I am grateful to God that I met you and I am grateful to you that for sticking around despite my errors and misdemeanours. Here and now, I officially ask you...

I hope you say yes, because I know deep down in my heart that if you say no, I will die of a broken heart. 

Direct Attack!!

Over the years, we have met different types of people. Over the years we have learnt to deal with these people. Over the years, when we meet these people, they leave us speechless and uncharacteristically shocked. Over the years we have learnt that we are not all the same and things change, people are born, grow up, mature and die... We have learnt to be patient, tolerating, kind, generous, mad, violent, happy, sad and we have learnt how to mask our feelings and maintain relationships. We have learnt to live and love.

As a way of life, some people are superior than others and no one can complain, we are not the same and never will we be. If we were all similar, I am sure it would be boring. We have self-righteous people who believe that their way is the way or no way at all. Its certainly not a bad thing. We have always been thought that the customer is always right, even if he is confused, misinformed, rude, stubborn, changeable and even downright stupid, but he is always right. Now that is the person we are talking about.

Most of the time we are always trying to be in another person's shoe so as to understand the situation and be in a better position to assist and to empathize if we are no able to offer any help. You can be amazed at what just being there does. However, what about those who are vain, what do you do? What about the people who celebrate the joy of others' pain? What about our day to day bullies?I was listening to someone I knew narrate a story about his friend's ex-girlfriend, the reason this particular story is etched in my mind, is because of the look that he had on his face and the grin he had on his face and that was the turning point of my relationship with Road Hog. It was then that I decided I was not cut out to be mean and indifferent.

In summary, Road Hog met this beautiful stunning professional woman and turned her into a single mother living at home with her parents. Road Hog grinned and I swear I thought I heard a laugh/snort come out of him when he told me that. It deeply saddened me and trust me, that was the moment I cut ALL ties with Road Hog. I was left uncharacteristically speechless. At that point, I questioned my choice of friends. Do I want caring, soulful brothers or do I want, self-righteous, obnoxious and controlling brothers?

There's a common saying "Show me your friends and I'll tell you the kind of person you are."  I would choose not be Road Hog's friend but you can. We are all molded in different ways, react to certain things differently and build each other differently. I can be a killer and you a lover, I can be a mother and you a disciplinarian. Yes, life has taught has many things in many way with many people. Be careful whose head you step on, or whose hands you break, you might need the same head and the same hands to catch you when you fall. Do you want to be or do you want to  whatever makes you happy.


I am not perfect and I am not great. I am perfect in someone else's eyes and I am great in someone else's eyes. I love that I am surrounded by people who are understanding, loving, caring and though they reprimand me sometimes, but I now know that it's because they want the best for me.

I am surrounded by soaring eagles. :-)

A Dedication

My friend told me that I was fond of writing SOB stories. But that is what I felt at the time and most definitely, my life revolved around those particular incidences. To me, they were not really SOB stories but true facts about life and sometimes very sad realities that happened between friends, lovers and neighbours.
I could now start complaining about how some people do not want to be my friends of Facebook or how someone followed me on Twitter then un-followed me. No, today, no negatives, just lots of love.

A couple of months ago, I decided to throw myself back into the dating game. My first try wasn't so good prompting me to take a lean back and review what it is I wanted. Well, I have many witnesses that can attest to my glowing-ness :-). It is that good.

We met at one morning at a hotel in Nairobi, it was all business and I had no intentions to take it further (or so I thought at the time). If you told me then that I would be this happy, I would not believe you, not at any one time.
We spoke for a bit and I went my way. I remember looking at him and thinking to myself "what a dashing fellow". Well, after our brief meeting, I left feeling crestfallen knowing that I would not see him again for a long time or when the need arose for a similar meeting. I did well to remind myself that, I was taking a lean back.

A couple of days later he emails me, then calls me. I remember I had my heart down at my feet, it was racing so fast I just could not believe it, I was speaking with him on a totally unrelated matter. We spoke for a couple of minutes and afterwards, I went to bed just replaying our conversation in my mind over and over again. THAT, that was the beginning. We kept in touch day after day, calls, chats, emails and if I could describe him, I would say he is amazing in every way. He is thoughtful and makes me laugh. He talks to me and his smile is infectious. REALLY it is.

So soon! Yes, I question myself too. But how can you NOT fall in love with a writer, a poet, he has the tunes to my hearts desires, the music to my soul, the passion that drives me wild. He is my mind's utmost want and need. When he says " Ninakupenda" Swahili word meaning "I love you", I literally melt. And you know what, that's not what won me over. He won me over when he  told me "the setting of the sun today reminds me of the sunrise you are in my life. I already look forward to tomorrow because of you." That just took my breath away.

Sigh!