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I
just understood now, I have not the slightest clue how the world works and I am
tired of trying to know. My dilemma comes about rather is brought about by the
fact that I want to know a few people that I can hang out with. Some friends or
so to say. I want to have a couple of people outside of work and outside of
where I worship to atleast make me feel alive or just do the once in a while
crazy things that I want to do. Now, it happened that I went out with a couple
of those guys for a drink and I left in the middle to go for what I
would call a rendezvous. Now, the problem came in when I mentioned it to a guy who
happens to be my friend. I knew what I was doing, I knew why I did what I did
and I knew it was not a good idea, but I did it anyways. He did not like it and
he told me that I should not hang out with them. Why? I just should not. My
question was, then how do I get to meet people, the reason I went out in the
first place is to meet people out of my daily circles. Right?? Yes, but now I
cannot go out to meet people out of my circles. I should stay in??? It does not
make sense to me. I already have my good friends, I am not looking to add any
more. I just want to enjoy myself over a drink with great company. I still ask…
what is?
Well,
on so many levels it is wrong. One I should stick with the devils I know and
not the angels I don’t know. Bad Associations spoil useful habits and all. This
is probably going to sound like an excuse but these people enlighten me on what
is happening, I get to sit with them and see the world’s point of view, which
by the way I have stopped listening or trying to understand and these are the
people who entertain me reminding me that I am not lonely and I am not alone. Yes,
these are the people who keep me sane. Trust me, I need all the sanity right
now.
But
my pal, said I should not hang out with them. That they will come to me.
Remember, I didn’t look for them, rather they looked for me and I was bored, so
I went. These are not people I am interested in dating. I just want to, as the
society puts it, socialize. He told me I have a bad choice in men. Yes, I do,
all the men I have dated have broken my heart and at this point in my life, I
am not too sure I want to go down that road again. But if I meet the guy of my
dreams then I will surely follow my heart. Which the Bible warns us, the heart
is treacherous.
So
now what to do? What to do? Now, I am going to die a lonely old maid who will
be eaten by her 24 cats. Thihihi.
