The World

I just understood now, I have not the slightest clue how the world works and I am tired of trying to know. My dilemma comes about rather is brought about by the fact that I want to know a few people that I can hang out with. Some friends or so to say. I want to have a couple of people outside of work and outside of where I worship to atleast make me feel alive or just do the once in a while crazy things that I want to do. Now, it happened that I went out with a couple of those guys for a drink and I left in the middle to go for what I would call a rendezvous. Now, the problem came in when I mentioned it to a guy who happens to be my friend. I knew what I was doing, I knew why I did what I did and I knew it was not a good idea, but I did it anyways. He did not like it and he told me that I should not hang out with them. Why? I just should not. My question was, then how do I get to meet people, the reason I went out in the first place is to meet people out of my daily circles. Right?? Yes, but now I cannot go out to meet people out of my circles. I should stay in??? It does not make sense to me. I already have my good friends, I am not looking to add any more. I just want to enjoy myself over a drink with great company. I still ask… what is?

Well, on so many levels it is wrong. One I should stick with the devils I know and not the angels I don’t know. Bad Associations spoil useful habits and all. This is probably going to sound like an excuse but these people enlighten me on what is happening, I get to sit with them and see the world’s point of view, which by the way I have stopped listening or trying to understand and these are the people who entertain me reminding me that I am not lonely and I am not alone. Yes, these are the people who keep me sane. Trust me, I need all the sanity right now.

But my pal, said I should not hang out with them. That they will come to me. Remember, I didn’t look for them, rather they looked for me and I was bored, so I went. These are not people I am interested in dating. I just want to, as the society puts it, socialize. He told me I have a bad choice in men. Yes, I do, all the men I have dated have broken my heart and at this point in my life, I am not too sure I want to go down that road again. But if I meet the guy of my dreams then I will surely follow my heart. Which the Bible warns us, the heart is treacherous.

So now what to do? What to do? Now, I am going to die a lonely old maid who will be eaten by her 24 cats. Thihihi.