When Caring Feels Like a Burden 💔

Today, I learned something that broke my heart into pieces.

A friend shared some wonderful news about a mutual friend, and I was genuinely excited. Because I’m usually the one who reaches out, I thought, *“Why not say hello?”*—without mentioning that I already knew the news.

But not long after, the person the news was about called me, upset. Somehow, they had sensed that I knew. And in that moment, something deeper came out: the realization that every time I reached out, something bad supposedly happened to them. Almost as if I was a *jinx*.

Hearing that truth—paired with the reminder that I *am always the one reaching out*—hit me like a ton of bricks. My heart shattered into a million pieces. 💔

Because if I look back honestly, I have always been there. Through thick and thin. I reached out even when I had nothing to give. I kept showing up even when I lost my job. I stayed connected even when I lost my mum—and even then, not a single phone call came my way. Not even from the one calling me a jinx.

I was alone. Carrying grief. Carrying struggle. Carrying friendships that didn’t seem to carry me back.

And yet, here I am again, reminded of that very raw feeling: when you’re the one who always checks in, always keeps the thread alive… and then you stop to wonder—

*Is this mutual? Or is it just me?*

The truth is, being thoughtful and caring is part of who I am. It’s in my nature to reach out. But I’m also learning that it’s okay to step back. To let the silence reveal who cares enough to reach for me, when I’m not the one extending my hand.

Because friendship is meant to be a two-way street. Not one person carrying the weight of keeping it alive.

Recently, someone asked me: *“Do you even have friends?”* And that question stung. But maybe it’s not about quantity. Maybe it’s about those who show up, truly, without excuses. Sometimes people don’t see the quiet ways you give—but that doesn’t mean you’re alone. There are still moments of kindness I can remember. Times when others did show up.

But today, I also learned this: trying to keep in touch shouldn’t feel like a burden. It shouldn’t leave me questioning my worth. If my care is seen as a curse, then it’s okay—more than okay—for me to mind my own business, to preserve my heart, and to let go with peace.

Because love, friendship, and care should be mutual. And anything less is not worth breaking my heart over again and again. 🌿